Shifty The Cat
The Attention Deficit Gang Unite!
(Three loud bangs at the backdoor. Bam! Bam! Bam! Hard enough to rattle the hinges. The door bursts wide open. Penelope gasps to see Smokey the Fag out of breath leaning against the door frame.)
I got terrible news,(Smokey continues) something bad is going down at Shifty the Cat’s house.
I gotta think quick……….No!……….No!…….Oh!…..Yes, it’ll work!..Got it!
(Smokey looks up and says to Penelope Putrid); Get Pencilhead Rich on the phone, Shifty the Cat is in trouble!
(Poor Penelope raised the phone off the receiver, her hands trembling so. She dialed: ring)))) each number rattled, it’s own quivering ring.), (Shifty the Cat and Penelope had a past. But that’s another story.)
(Nervously she dialed Pencilhead Rich.)
Ring, ring, Hello, Hello! (Mrs Rich answered the phone.) Is Isaac their?(Pencilhead’s given name; so uncool.) Penelope asks? Why yes of course Little Heffer. (Penelope’s endearing pet name, fondly called by Mrs Rich.) Here you go! (Penelope darts the towards Smokey with one hand, and covering her face with the other, as if trying to hide her worried expression. Smokey the Fag, grabs the phone from Penelope’s hand.)
Ok! Rich, you gotta have Shifty call Littlesheep Plugger tute sweet. Well, call him anything you want, just get him on the phone! Tell him, me and the rest of the gang will be their soon. I’ll send Bellybutton Deviant, and Prickly Pear Kelly, down myself.
Wait!……….. Damn, Littlesheep Plugger’s on the lamb. Call Pieface Subtwink instead! Tell him to grab Elephant Dick and get him on the phone.
Tell Elephant Dick to meet us at Hussy Street, in Bifield right in front of the Raunchy Pig…… Got it!…………No, don’t!
Never mind! Tell him to pick up Lube Job at “The Captains Rusty Nuts.” Hopefully he’s not still stuck.
Wait!……Screw that!…….Just tell Elephant Dick not to be a prick to Pieface Subtwink, and meet us at Shifty’s!
We need guns, tell them to go get Three Oozies at the Pustule Palace. We need them to step on “It.” Because “It’s” moving. We need “It” to stay right there where “It” is, and I mean it!
Me and Friggin Flatulence, will be there ASAP.
Now listen up! This is very important. When Red Rover arrives, you tell that Bitch; “Shifty the Cat did it again.” He’s got to call the Cornwhole Brothers to rescue Shifty’s ass!
Nooooooooooooo!…no, no, no!
To be continued.
Inspired by Joey Riot and Jim Hill.